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Dating, humor, Love, Marriage, Men, Relationship advice, relationship help, Relationships, Sex, Women
Straight from the mouth of my filthy, sexed up BFF over at Sexpressed
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Sex is everywhere. TV, magazines, music, video games, advertising, even, yes, in your parent’s bedroom. Sex is a big part of life and the sooner you accept it the better off you’ll be. Fighting it is a losing battle.
However, a lot of people try to downplay the importance of sex in their lives, especially when it comes to their relationships. If you ask someone on the street, man or woman, what are the top 5 most essential things to a successful relationship chances are most people you meet wouldn’t have a great sex life be even on that list, and if they do it’s number 4 or 5. The problem with this is that whether you want to admit it or not sex is one of if not the most important things in a successful relationship. Any attempt to think differently is an exercise in denial.
And I’m not even talking about full-on sexual repression. Obviously if you are holding back your own sexual desires to the point that sex is something you barely do and even when you do it’s an uncomfortable experience you are clearly going to be in a lot of misery, single or not. Please seek therapy. The only way you and a potential mate are going to be OK in a situation like that is if you BOTH are equally sexually repressed. In fact, I would highly suggest that you do that so it can reduce the risk of someone who isn’t sexually repressed from ending up with one of you.
But I’m not even talking sexual repression, I’m talking just a general “eh” attitude to sex. If sex is important to one member of a team and not so important to the other member the relationship is doomed. You hear me? DOOMED. You may be able to work shit out for a while, maybe even a number of years, but inevitably it will come crumbling down in a devastating mess around your feet. I just started seeing a MILF in her 50′s who was married to a guy who refused to have sex with her for the last 10 years of their marriage. They were together for 28 years. Now they can barely even look at eachother and she ended up cheating on him with several different men before finally divorcing him. I know another girl in her 20′s who is married to a guy who thinks of sex as something you do for procreation purposes only…she has started cheating on him and will divorce him soon.
These two example relationships are not badly matched. The MILF bore 3 children with her ex husband and considers him to be a great and supportive father. She and him have a lot in common and if sex were not a factor she would say they would be a good man to be with. But no sex? She’d rather die. And the girl in her 20′s loves her man with all her heart and still gushes about how incredible he is in every other facet except for sex. She is still going to divorce him. All that is breaking these relationships up is sexuality…it is the Achille’s heel of any relationship.
Then there’s specific sexual needs. Maybe the two of you are very sexual together but both of you are naturally submissive. This is going to create real problems because neither of you are going to get the sexual satisfaction you need from your partner. Sure, both of you could sacrifice and dominate the other from time to time to keep things OK but eventually the need to stray to get the real domination you so crave is going to win out over your need to be faithful.
Now maybe you’re like me and don’t involve yourself in monogamous relationships and you have the ability to stay with the person you love while getting your sexual satisfaction elsewhere. This, I believe, is the ONLY way to make a relationship with sexual incompatibility last because everyone is happy. But, for right now anyway, there aren’t a lot of people out there like me and thus sexual problems are still ending relationships everywhere.
So if you’re in a relationship and you don’t feel sexually satisfied start getting proactive about it…talk about your frustrations with your partner and let them know how important it is to you and that they better shape up. If they won’t or can’t comply they need to go. It is not bad to end a relationship because your sexual needs are not being fulfilled. People may say it is, but those are the same people who are miserable within their OWN sex lives. Trust me: end it now.
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This post is written by Scott who runs www.Sexpressed.com Visit him for some more sexy stuff.
